Dave Barry Is from Mars and Venus by Dave Barry

By Dave Barry

Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, bestselling writer, and Wheel of Fortune contestant Dave Barry exposes the shattering fact. no matter if he's splashing with the U.S. sychronized swim group ("Picture a host of chic swans swimming with a flailing sea cow") or reliving the Pilgrims' first Thanksgiving ("We've made up our minds to obliterate your tradition, yet first may possibly we attempt the stuffing?"), Dave Barry proves that one guy could make a difference--by having the heart to respond to the questions few humans trouble to ask:

 ¸  What makes humans are looking to devour animals they'd by no means think about petting?
 ¸  the place do the World's 3 such a lot uninteresting humans meet?
 ¸  Why is Colorado freezing such a lot of human gonads?
 ¸  And simply how does Oprah have the facility to show a 1957 Hotpoint toaster guide right into a no 1 bestseller?

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Long John Silver: Arrr. ) First Pilgrim: Well, this looks like a barren area with poor soil and harsh winters, offering little chance for our survival. Other Pilgrims: Perfect! Robber: Hand over the money! First Pilgrim: Hey! You already did your scene in this column! Robber: Whoops. Second Pilgrim: Look! A Native American! Native American: Fortunately, I speak English. My name is Squanto. Fourth Pilgrim: “Squanto”? What kind of name is “Squanto”? Second Pilgrim:It sounds nasty! It sounds like, “Mom!

Quickly, I ran through my options: Option One: Run around the corner with my gun held out in front, thereby exposing it to Rob’s laser fire. Option Two: Protect my gun by holding it back and running around the corner with my face out in front. Looking back on what happened, I realize that I should have gone with Option Three. ” Instead I went with Option Two, running around the corner face-first, which turned out to not be such a great idea, because Rob had gone with Option One, running around the corner gun-first.

See what I mean, young people? Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism. —one of you could be the next Abraham Lincoln, inventor of the steam engine. THIS POET DON’T KNOW IT Recently I got a very nice computer-generated letter from an outfit called the National Library of Poetry. “Dear Dave,” the letter begins. “Over the past year or so we have been reviewing the thousands of poems submitted to us, as well as examining the poetic accomplishments of people whose poetry has been featured in various anthologies released by other poetry publishers.

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