By Paul Hegstrom
In an explosive publication that explores the roots of abusive relationships, Paul Hegstrom stocks his own fight with anger and the way the injuries of his previous formed his destiny. For the fellow who batters, the girl who feels trapped, and the pastor, counselor, or buddy who desperately desires to support them either, indignant males and the ladies Who Love Them deals directly, biblical solutions should you are prepared to make tricky judgements and conquer the cycle of violence.
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Extra info for Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them: Breaking the Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse (Revised Edition)
I’ll explore a variety of relationships—with friends, family, bosses, and colleagues—but the male-female romantic pairing will be my major focus. For example, Katie’s gaslighting boyfriend insists that the world is a dangerous place and that Katie’s behavior is inappropriate and insensitive. When he feels stressed or threatened, he has to be right about these issues, and he has to get Katie to agree that he is. Katie values the relationship and doesn’t want to lose Brian, so she starts to see things from his point of view.
The comment seems so off the wall, you might let it go. Or perhaps you try to correct the error but without a whole lot of energy. Maybe you even get into long, involved arguments, but you’re still pretty certain of your own point of view. Although you’d like your gaslighter’s approval, you don’t yet feel desperate for it. Katie remains in this stage for several weeks. She keeps trying to convince her boyfriend that he’s simply wrong about her and the people she meets, that she’s not flirting with anyone and no one is flirting with her.
You search for evidence to prove your gaslighter wrong and argue with him obsessively, often in your head, desperately trying to win his approval. Liz is a Stage 2 gaslightee. All she can think about is how much she wants her boss to see things her way. After their meeting, she replays every conversation with her boss over and over—on the way to work, at lunch with her friends, as she’s trying to fall asleep. She just has to find a way to show him she’s right. Maybe then he’ll approve of her and everything will be fine again.